How it Went

Hello fine readers,

Well today was interesting. As you know I had many goals including getting up early, going to the gym, assembling a grocery list and buying food, doing the laundry, collecting my bills, cleaning the house. I accomplished some but not all of these goals.

I did in fact get up early and clean the house. I did six loads of laundry (On one hand I was happy to be getting so much done, on the other hand you should never put it off that long...), so now I have clean clothes, dish towels, sheets, bath towels, etc.  I went through my papers and found and assembled all my medical bills, which was one of my goals for today, and threw out all the trash. I did the dishes and tidied up, and I even found my bag of nail polishes that had been hiding amongst rubble in my closet.

One of the symptoms I have been experiencing has been fatigue in addition to pain. By the time I was done with all the cleaning, I was good and properly wiped out. I did not feel the need to go to sleep, and in fact I still can't seem to sleep at 2:00AM, but I felt the need to lie down. Today is one of my interstitial cystitis flare days when it burns ferociously to pee and then afterwards, the pain continues and I still feel like I have to go. This is very annoying.

I did decide to lie down but, instead of just watching TV like I had done the past few months while in pain, I continued to be productive. I re-designed my mom's "We're Moving" card, and she is very pleased with the results. You should be getting one soon! I researched "Wheat Belly" at Ruth's suggestion and made my grocery list. I also cooked some healthy rice with veggies to eat throughout the day.

I am disappointed in myself for not going to the gym. I think it would have been hard to even do my recumbent bike while I'm having the IC flare-up, since it hurts more to sit than to lie down. I am going to have to find a way around this. I also feel like there's something holding me back, some part of me that doesn't want to work hard and succeed, which only wants to curl up and stay online and in bed. I don't know if everyone has this insidious inner slothball or if it is related to my dregs of PTSD from years ago, when I was afraid to go into the world and become a grownup because I thought something else bad would happen.  I am having trouble sorting out when I am taking a break because my body is telling me I have to rest, vs when I am being lazy. Interstitial cystitis is a chronic issue, so I will need a long term solution to this conundrum.

Maybe I was also afraid to weigh myself? ... yeah that may be part of it.

Thank you for reading. I need to keep ramping my activity level back up until I have a full and healthy life, but right now it is still sputtering.