This Long Weekend

Hi!

I had a really lovely long weekend visiting Derek. We mostly just enjoyed each other's company... we read together and walked around and stuff. My eating was very healthy throughout except when I insisted Derek go to the hospital for a big bite that turned his hand swollen and bright red (he's fine). I should have brought food with me to the hospital... it was late so they only had vending machines, and because I was worried about his hand situation I hadn't been able to eat my dinner before leaving. Anyways. Other than that, I cooked beautiful, healthy, high protein and high fibre foods. Flying back to CA tomorrow and NOT eating the cheese crackers they offer ;)

I did some exercise too, mostly walking. I guess I don't have much to write about, just think I should keep checking in every few days.

Actually: I do have something new to report! I am planning a "birthday present" for myself. I have an excel sheet in which I rate my eating and exercise on a 0-5 scale and my productivity on a 0-10 scale, total the score (15+is good), score my mood 0-5 and energy level 0-5, and take notes. I have this every day from today (September 3) through November 3 (the day before my birthday). It will be my present to myself to focus on eating and working out well, and making the most of my days. If I like this system I'll upgrade it for Thanksgiving, New Years, and other milestones. I don't have a lb goal for my birthday - partly because it would be sad to not get there - but my goal is to use my excel sheet every day.

Gonna post this picture of a new dress here... I feel great in it! It's from the 1960s.

Hello, blog!

Hi!

So, I am here, returning to my humble blog. I am very inspired by you guys doing a tri!! That sounds fun! I am signed up for a ten K on September 22.

I live here in Lafayette with my folks now. I did take into consideration the advice from friends and family about the dangers of this, but so far it is going well. I am looking for work and selling a small book I made at a store in San Francisco.

I am down to 150-151 pounds (changes day to day for the past week!) I have a goal of getting to 140 - which is not to copy Aunt Roberta, but I want to take 1/3 of my weight off (210 to 140). To that end, I have been doing some cardio work every single day since mid July (and regularly before that) - either walking about 5-8 miles or running 3-5. (OK so twice I couldn't go because I had an abominable stomach ache all day - other than that, I went EVERY day). This has been fun and helped me deal with certain stresses - a close friend being very sick, looking for work, being apart from Derek, etc. The time to myself in the great, beautiful outdoors and the endorphins that come with it are important to me. However I think I need to challenge myself by working to beat my times and re-up my weight training routine.

I have generally been eating well. My friend and health coach Stasha Washburn is challenging all her friends/clients to eat only whole, healthy foods for the month of September. So, I'm gearing up towards that! In general I'd say I have been eating very well here. Dad is doing GREAT! at losing the weight he wants to lose, and part of what I'm doing is preparing food we can both eat. Tonight I am going to make a strawberry and spinach salad with leftover chicken breast :) There have been a few days where I went off-base food wise ... however, I have been consistently losing weight still. Heck I have lost about 60 lbs! And feeling great.

I need to manage my time in a more structured way. I have a lot of goals flying around and I need to structure my days. I know this, but I have trouble actually sticking to the plans I make for myself. So, now I need to do that for reals. I am also visiting Derek in MD from the 30th to the 4th (he has some time off for Labor Day).

... that about sums it up. I will update regularly!

Confessions Time

Hi all,

So... I have been pretty much stalled out for the past several days, and not making great choices. It started mid week when my toe became painful, and obvious signs of infection occurred around it... pus, throbbing, etc. I was able to get into the doctor on Friday who declared it was a long, infected ingrown nail and performed a minor surgery to take it out right away. The numbing needles to the toe were extremely painful and in spite of the assurances that I would feel no pain when the numbness wore off, I am actually still feeling pain. Friday night and the weekend it was much worse: when Derek took me to get my antibiotics prescription he had to carry me on his back. (He then got me crutches). Anyways, I missed the 5K i was supposed to do this weekend. I haven't exercised since last Thursday :(

It would have been one thing if I had been making great food choices while that all happened... but unfortunately, no. After getting the ingrown nail removed but before Derek picked me up, I dropped a quarter in the candy machine because I thought I deserved a "treat". The sugar rush that ensued and the feeling of entitlement that this enforced in my brain - as if because I was in pain, I "deserved" unhealthy food - set off a few days of very poor eating choices. I didn't want to get up and cook because my foot hurt, and we were out of produce and didn't want to go shopping either on crutches. So I mostly ordered in and ate Derek's convenience snacks that I usually avoid.

Now I am obviously feeling sick and guilty. According to the scale this morning I am still in the high 150s, where I have been for a month or so... but, I still know this was the wrong decision for my body.

Well, well. I would say "we all slip up sometimes", but I also had a few days of excess surrounding Amy's graduation. That was only about a month ago. Clearly I need better boundaries for myself about when it is "okay" to go off the rails. I think that now that i have lost over fifty pounds, I also lost some of the edge that kept me on track in earlier months.

New plan? I am thinking that I will do what I did in previous diets, which worked then... I will establish one night out of the week when it is okay for me to eat a treat. (Not something I'm allergic too... just something I normally wouldn't consider part of my new eating plans). This will not be an all-night-feast ... rather, it will be one special dinner or special desert. That way if I am absolutely craving something I won't have to choose between having it now and having it never... or choose between sticking with my healthy habits or saying "Screw it!". If I get to that day out of the week (I think Friday or Saturday is a good time) and find that I don't want the cheat meal - that's great! It'll just be a valve for these temptations which have crept up on me twice recently.

Also looking forward to getting back into exercise! I think if I had been able to work out this weekend, the bad eating would probably not have happened. Running the 5K had been a goal that I was looking forward to and wich had helped me stay in line... when I realized I wouldn't be able to I let everything slide. Seems like I need to re-instate a physical goal to look forward to. Still, I won't be running on this toe until I'm sure it's safe to do so - I don't want to turn this into more of an injury than it already is.

I know that you witnessed a very tragic crash this weekend. I'm so sorry you had to see that on what was supposed to be a celebratory day... I hope there was some fun and meaning in the rest of the time the Beier siblings spent together.

that's old folks! I feel better now that I have 'fessed up.

Elizabeth

6/12/13

Hi!

Running and stuff is going well. Today after my hour of strength training class I was feeling pumped so I hopped on a treadmill. I set it to an easy run to see how far I could go. I was able to run a mile pretty easily and was able to push it to a mile and a half. That was exciting! I walked the mile uphill back home with no problem either. I felt very powerful during this uber-workout.

(however afterward my bladder was very angry at me. I had to take ibuprofen to make it calm down).

I know exercise is supposed to help me focus, but after this intense workout, I found it very hard to concentrate today. I felt very stimulated and wanted to go online and look at things and buy things. It was hard for me to concentrate on working and sticking to the schedule I set up for myself. Do you have any tips for how to calm down after a workout? I was feeling kind of manic to tell the truth.

Elizabeth

6/9/13: My first 5K and Other Epic Plans

Hi All!

I am really enjoying getting into running. Yesterday I was able to run about 3/4 of the three mile track I found for myself around the neighborhood. I even ran up some hills and did some speed work in there! My heart is definitely getting stronger fast because I can run for longer stretches and my HR goes down faster now.

So... I registered for my first 5K race! It's on June 23 and it benefits cancer research (gynecological cancers specifically). Some people will be running, some walking, I will be doing some of both. I just want to see how it feels to participate in an athletic event again.

I am continuing to eat healthy foods. Now that I have cut wheat out of my diet for a few months (except for when celebrating Amy's graduation... I did partake in some bread and cake there...) I feel that I crave food, in general, less. It took a while for that side benefit to kick into gear for me... but now it's here! I actually have to remind myself when it's time to eat. (Or am reminded by my growly tummy). This is a huge shift from when I looked forward to eating and planned my eating adventures every moment that I wasn't stuffing my face (ala last year).

My torso is looking particularly trim and slim these days. I have found some clothes that look really flattering on me and I feel great! Derek says I look like Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer now, and although this is clearly untrue, I was flattered.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj6IzYP9oVP4OzkJOHujNnZ-loJgMoSOuL2Rii9-mlHIuIRDu0uxUNVIG1AGcQ2zG83ZuodoyA3X1u1gn1NrqbUau7JDcWdyc5Oi9rV5_Um2G6567VHXdtC2CVi8_2LPBp1yweFjVDw4_6/s1600/Faye_dushku01.jpg

I have some plans that I'd like to discuss here. I think I may have mentioned before that I wanted to move to California in November - and spend the intervening time working for Uncle George, learning web design, and saving my money. I have been living here with Derek for a year and there are a few good reasons to move to CA:
1. I love my family and friends there
2. there will be far more opportunities for the kind of career path I want to have
3. I love CA as a physical place, and it's the main place I can envision buying a home and taking root.

Thing is... Derek really doesn't want to move to California this year. He is in a great position at his work right now and he likes being close to his siblings. He says he might be able to move to CA in a few years, but not right now.

I pondered this and tried to figure out a way we could stay in the same city. I considered maybe moving closer to the Washington DC area - there would be more opportunities for me that way. We went to Silver Spring, MD today - someplace where I could commute to DC easily, but he could keep his job. Neither of us liked it there. And the drive turned out to be longer than it said on Google Maps. On the way home we decided together that the best thing for him was to stay where he is now - but for me to move to CA. We definitely want to stay together, but date long distance. When I really, fully realized that that was what was best into us, I cried very hard. I have been feeling like our relationship is headed towards marriage, but then I was planning moving to CA - which seemed to be pulling a 180 on that plan.

Now I realize this: I think this time apart may strengthen our relationship. We have dated long distance before and I know where the hard parts come up with that. However I believe if we are going to consider marriage, it will be best to do so when we are both financially independent of each other and our stuff isn't intermingled. We will be able to make a more objective decision. We also have some other choices to make about our lives before making a permanent commitment - where to live, whether and when to have children, how much we value travel, whether or not he decides to be religious, and others. By pursuing our lives more independently, we may be able to get a better sense of where we stand on those issues - where our boundaries really are. We will still communicate every day and hopefully use the time when we live apart to clear those hurtles one by one. Then we will reunite in a few years, hopefully forever. That is my new romantic vision. I understand that I am twenty three years old and I am not guaranteed this happy ending. But I know that Derek and I love each other very much. He understands and agrees that CA is where my opportunities shine brightest right now and wants me to go there and be happy.

I feel like since I originally decided I wanted to move to CA in November and thus needed to prepare, I have been more productive all around. I exercise more, work more hours for Uncle George, and have picked up web design studies. I feel a drive when I wake up in the morning and excitement about the future. So I know it's the right thing. Derek's very kind and encouraging response to my suggestion that we live long distance, so that I can grow in my own goals, confirms that he is the wonderful man that I know he is.

5k track identified

Hi all,

I have gone onto google maps and figured out a run that I could do near my house that is the length of a 5k. I had a really great time running yesterday! I am going to go out for another run right now. I will practice this 5K distance over and over again until I master it and can run most or all of the way. Then I will enroll in a 5K race to see how that feels. Don't really care about my time - just want to experience a race.

Things are going well for me. I would be doing better if I was sticking more closely to the time tables I set up for myself. However today is a new day. I will do all the work I am supposed to do today and then go to sleep so I can wake up and get an early start on tomorrow's work. Since I made this time sheet for myself last week I have been more productive than in previous weeks.

Elizabeth

6/4/13

Hi!

Haven't posted in a little while. I have been exercising almost every day and eating very healthy food.

I am slightly concerned that my running goals may be hitting a roadblock already. As anticipated, on the days that I run I have more interstitial cystitis problems. Feels like a nasty urinary tract infection. No fun. However I have had these flares on and off since October (actually earliest ones in May) 2012, so it's too early to know conclusively whether running significantly aggravates the situation. I've been going for a run/walk a few days per week and also doing strength training all over and working on the elliptical during rainy days. Overall I'm feeling pretty great!

Work has been pretty exciting the last few days, especially coupled with my new goal of learning web design.

I'm going to head down to the gym now and get some measurements taken of my body fat percentage (I know it's not exact, but I only get it done once every three months or so so it probably represents a real trend). Also my other measurements. I follow Tosca Reno's eat clean diet site and they are having a three month makeover competition with some great prizes. I really doubt that I will win because I have already lost so much weight, things are going more slowly now... but, it can't hurt to participate. Seems like fun. Then I'm going to go for a walk/run for a while longer.

When I am running or walking and see my shadow, or in the gym when I happen to see my reflection while doing weights, I realize that I do look like a stronger individual than I have been in a long time. This feels pretty good.

Running is difficult! I am choosing to do it because I know it is sometimes fun and it will get better as time goes on. Still it's tough right now. I'm at the point where I have to run longer to get to that 180 mark where I am allowed to walk again, but it still feels just as difficult. I know I can take walk breaks but I want to increase my strength so I can really mostly run for a few miles. That would be great.

Elizabeth