Confessions Time

Hi all,

So... I have been pretty much stalled out for the past several days, and not making great choices. It started mid week when my toe became painful, and obvious signs of infection occurred around it... pus, throbbing, etc. I was able to get into the doctor on Friday who declared it was a long, infected ingrown nail and performed a minor surgery to take it out right away. The numbing needles to the toe were extremely painful and in spite of the assurances that I would feel no pain when the numbness wore off, I am actually still feeling pain. Friday night and the weekend it was much worse: when Derek took me to get my antibiotics prescription he had to carry me on his back. (He then got me crutches). Anyways, I missed the 5K i was supposed to do this weekend. I haven't exercised since last Thursday :(

It would have been one thing if I had been making great food choices while that all happened... but unfortunately, no. After getting the ingrown nail removed but before Derek picked me up, I dropped a quarter in the candy machine because I thought I deserved a "treat". The sugar rush that ensued and the feeling of entitlement that this enforced in my brain - as if because I was in pain, I "deserved" unhealthy food - set off a few days of very poor eating choices. I didn't want to get up and cook because my foot hurt, and we were out of produce and didn't want to go shopping either on crutches. So I mostly ordered in and ate Derek's convenience snacks that I usually avoid.

Now I am obviously feeling sick and guilty. According to the scale this morning I am still in the high 150s, where I have been for a month or so... but, I still know this was the wrong decision for my body.

Well, well. I would say "we all slip up sometimes", but I also had a few days of excess surrounding Amy's graduation. That was only about a month ago. Clearly I need better boundaries for myself about when it is "okay" to go off the rails. I think that now that i have lost over fifty pounds, I also lost some of the edge that kept me on track in earlier months.

New plan? I am thinking that I will do what I did in previous diets, which worked then... I will establish one night out of the week when it is okay for me to eat a treat. (Not something I'm allergic too... just something I normally wouldn't consider part of my new eating plans). This will not be an all-night-feast ... rather, it will be one special dinner or special desert. That way if I am absolutely craving something I won't have to choose between having it now and having it never... or choose between sticking with my healthy habits or saying "Screw it!". If I get to that day out of the week (I think Friday or Saturday is a good time) and find that I don't want the cheat meal - that's great! It'll just be a valve for these temptations which have crept up on me twice recently.

Also looking forward to getting back into exercise! I think if I had been able to work out this weekend, the bad eating would probably not have happened. Running the 5K had been a goal that I was looking forward to and wich had helped me stay in line... when I realized I wouldn't be able to I let everything slide. Seems like I need to re-instate a physical goal to look forward to. Still, I won't be running on this toe until I'm sure it's safe to do so - I don't want to turn this into more of an injury than it already is.

I know that you witnessed a very tragic crash this weekend. I'm so sorry you had to see that on what was supposed to be a celebratory day... I hope there was some fun and meaning in the rest of the time the Beier siblings spent together.

that's old folks! I feel better now that I have 'fessed up.

Elizabeth